The story so far:

In the Old Testament book of Hosea, Hosea, a young man is trying to figure out how to get his wife back. God made the match for Hosea, but things went really bad. She’s left home and she’s cheating on him, and like a lonely fool, he’s still sending her anonymous presents. Hosea won’t give up on her. And God wants Hosea to fight for his marriage, and for Gomer’s happiness.

The Plan

God gives Hosea a plan:

Therefore, I will allure her,
    and bring her into the wilderness,
    and speak tenderly to her.

Step 1: Use intrigue to get her away from the city and its silliness.

Step 2: Speak tenderly to her

That’s it.

Except it’s not. When I looked into the original Hebrew text, trying to understand Step 2, I discovered something interesting. The word “tenderly” comes from the Hebrew word labab. This word, labab, is an interesting and memorable word. It’s onomatopoeia – a word that sounds like what it decribes. Which organ in the body makes a sound that sounds like, “la-bab, la-bab, la-bab“?

So Step 2 is much better translated as “Speak to her heart!”

Speak to her HEART? What does that mean?

Speak to her heart

“Speak to her heart, Hosea,” God says. And Hosea pulls a face. “Her heart? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Speak to her heart,” God repeats.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I first heart this I felt almost as lost as Hosea. What does it mean to speak to your wife’s heart? In the Bible, the heart is the inmost being of a person. It’s where their emotions sit, where their hopes and fears, dreams and goals are.

I can imagine Hosea thinking about it for a moment. “I can compliment her on the shape of her chest. Does that count?”

Probably not.

I need to pause here for a moment in respect of the small, steep mountain I am about to climb. There is so much implied by the words “speak to her heart,” and I offer my thoughts on their meaning in all humility.

“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” Dr John Gray told us all in the 90s. Men speak one language, women speak another, he said. If you want to understand the opposite sex, you’ve got to realise they are totally different from you.

But I don’t think this is what God is talking about when he tells Hosea to “speak to her heart.” Hers is a female heart, but the language of the heart is not feminine. I have heard women say that other women “understand” them, which means women understand their hearts, and know how to listen to it. Many men, myself included, have been led down the garden path thinking that the advice, “speak to her heart” means exclusively to “listen to her heart,” and more specifically, to “listen like a woman.” God is not telling Hosea to listen to Gomer’s heart like a woman. He’s telling Hosea to speak to her heart like a man.

The more I think about this, the more I suspect that my shortcomings as a husband have come a lot less from my ability to listen to her heart than my lack of skill in speaking to it.

What is required here is not brute force masculinity. It’s not angry. (See James 1:20). It’s not analytical problem solving. Neither is it mamby-pamby fawning or weakness. It’s something alien and strong and strange and simple. The language of the heart.

The words surrounding the quote offer some further clues. The verbs are “hope” and “give”. Speaking to her heart means speaking hope, and giving a refreshing gift. It means speaking the best into her.

Did Hosea’s heart quail in despair at hearing this news? How do you become proficient in a foreign language when you have no-one to teach you? It’s just an impossible task. How do you learn the language of the heart?

“Hosea, my friend. I’ll teach you,” I imagine God saying to the young man. “The language of the heart is the language of Heaven. It’s the language of hopes fulfilled. Its the language of generosity and kindness. You can only speak the language of the heart as your lungs are filled with the breeze of heaven. You don’t need many words for your dear wife, just a few. Remain with me for a little while and I’ll teach you.”

So it goes much further than just speaking to her heart as a man. It means speaking to her heart as God. What would God say to her? What message of hope and generosity would God give?

On that day, declares the Lord,
    you will call Me, “My husband,”
    and will no longer call Me, “My Baal.”
…I will take you for My wife forever.
    I will take you for My wife in righteousness and in justice,
    in mercy and in compassion.
I will take you for My wife in faithfulness,
    and you will know the Lord.

Next… (Part 4)