24 March – I’ve changed the working title of this project from Escaping Well to Breaking Free.

I find that to put a story together, I keep mowing over the plot, writing and rewriting to get it to sit nicely. In the following document, I’m writing from memory, from the heart. I’m not cutting and pasting, even from what I wrote earlier today. Type it out. Type it again. Let the story settle in. It’s strange. On one hand I’m ‘making it up’. On the other hand, the story is there, like a statue in a block of marble, and I’ve just got to find it — and cut away the bits that aren’t the story.

This plot is presented in three threads. I haven’t woven them together yet, but the basic idea is to contrast from an ‘upper’ to a ‘downer’ as quickly as possible.

Good news. George does not die. A student with English as a second language says that he “passed away” when she means he “passed out.” But Em certainly thinks he is dead for many pages.

Thread 1: Em and Mum

Orientation

Mum is largely absent in the setup. We only hear about her.

Manessa finishes high-school, works over the summer, as much as she can, through all the holidays, then she buys a car with her own money and announces to her parents that she is leaving “in the morning” to go to university. (they are having a discussion about the new answering machine.) Where? She doesn’t say, just that it’s not Adelaide and she bought a car. Her dad says, “you should ahve gotten me to check it,” and mum says, “Your Dad is right, Manessa. You should have got him to check it. You could have bought mine” But Manessa snaps back, “I don’t want your car. I want my car.” She’s a big girl…

Her aim is to get the hell out of Dodge and get away from her mother’s voice, “Manessa, I can’t believe it!” so she escapes, driving away, across the big, open plains. Arrives in Sydney.

Gets a hotel room. Hears her mum’s scolding voice, but she’s here, all alone, and it’s exciting. University in the morning.

O-Week. So exciting! Gets into her course. (Law!) Finds a Vietnamese friend who is pretty cool but has poor English. Gets a room in a house. It’s more expensive, but it’s OK. She has saved up, and has a plan. She is a law student!

Sees George (“Lebo”, from primary school)

Pivot

Tries to get government payments, but she can’t because her parents were dodgy with the books. Her whole plan comes crashing down.

Rising Action

Drives to the new terrace house on nice street – Her car makes a horrible noise and dies on the road. Cunk Cunk. It won’t start.

Looks at her numbers – She can’t afford to live. Academic office – night class? Drop some classes? Angry at her parents, so she calls them and leaves a nasty message.

Comes home and feels out of it. Makes a nice dinner for the girls. Tells them what she’s going to do. They are disappointed that she’s not studying full time, but it’s not so much of a big deal. They love her meal, and suggest she works at a restaurant, but she says she is done with hospitality, and won’t do it. Blames her mum.

Looks for a job in a law office. Can’t find anywhere that will take her.

Gets a job at a restaurant anyway. It pays enough, but the hours are long. The guy there is desperate for good staff. After service, she finds him having a quiet cigarette outside, and he explains a little of his story – had a food van, but expanded. Had staff that pulled out at the last minute. “You’re a lifesaver.” He pays her cash. She explains she is a law student.

Problems – Gets a fine for the car being in the wrong place…

Law class. Can they even do that? Apparently they can.

Then the car gets towed.

Climax

Her mum arrives at her door. (We haven’t heard about her for a while) and says that she has left her dad, and things were horrible. They were investigated and the business was closed, and it was just horrible. She traced down the phone number from the new answering machine. Can she stay with Manessa? Manessa agrees – just for the night.

Falling Action

Mum tries to clean up the kitchen and ‘earn’ her way into staying. Manessa’s friends think she’s great. Manessa hates how she is faking it. Has to go to work.

Gets home, and Mum has moved in – the friends agreed. They had a spare room anyway, up in the attic. Mum tries to apologise, and says “I’ll leave if you want,” but Em is sickly sweet.

Mum gets a job, in a law office as a receptionist. Em is so jealous.

Mum tries to apologise and drops that she is seeing a psychologist. Em is too angry to hear it.

Crunch

Mum tries to give advice about Josh, but Em is too angry to hear it. “You have no right! I moved to get away from you! The shock on Mum’s face was palpable. She caved, like a planet, from the inside. Em didn’t finish. “I can’t believe it, Manessa!” “Look at the mess you’ve made, Manessa!” … that’s why I changed, because every time I hear Manessa, I hear it in your voice. “I’m Em, and I hear that in my voice!” Go ** off and die, for all I care! I don’t want your food. It tastes like s**t. It always has!”

Denouement

When George dies, Em’s mum is there to wrap her arms around her. Mum makes her a sandwich at the counter. It’s comfort food.

Then she takes Em to the hospital. (More in George’s thread)

Em decides to start her own business – her own food trailer, doing gourmet comfort food. Her mum is beside her, cutting up the veggies.

Thread 2: Em and Josh

Orientation

At the restaurant, where the boss is flat out and frazzled, there’s a guy dressed in black who is tuning his guitar and setting his equipment. He’s actually pretty good, and Em can’t help but nod her head and sing along. It’s kind of soul music, with a driving beat, and somehow he can do all of it on his guitar.

She talks to him, and he explans his setup and his story. He used to be in a boyband, and he’s reigniting his music career after driving it into the ground with alcohol, and says that she needs to keep him accountable – no alcohol, OK? it’s weird, and she says, “OK”

As the restaurant fills, he keeps asking her to sing, and she just won’t. She says, “I can’t sing. I’m too shy.”

Pivot

he has written a song, and the room is full, and Em is feeling alive. He calls her up on stage and makes her sing, the chorus is “I’m too shy”. It’s crazy. She can do it, and everyone cheers!

Rising Action

Josh asks her to sing some more, but he tricks her and makes her sing another song – he sings the harmony. She just goes for it! (Singing it against her mum?).

the restaurant owner is kind enough to let her out of waitressing for the singing – but she has to go back to the kitchen – doesn’t even think about the fact that she has somehow moved from waitressing to food prep. Owner says, “Any time you want to buy that food van, come see me!”

She can’t help but find Josh attractive and likes being near him. He keeps asking her to do gigs, (and she is missing out/forgetting on her uni classes, week after week. Realising she missed another class has the bleak feeling of a nightmare. )She doesn’t like asking him about his wife and his kids. Just blocks that out.

It all gets very intense and close. They kiss. She’s in the moment. Feels all heady and dizzy. No thinking ahead, just here. Maybe she’ll become a rock-star.

He calls her away to do music gigs – up at the Hunter Valley. this leads to that. They both drink. There’s one hotel room and one bed, for the weekend. She feels very, very adult.

Climax

George finds out and yells at her. “Grow up, George! It’s what adults do!” He says, “What’s his wife’s name? Has he said he will leave her? What are his kids names?”

Falling Action

Two pink lines. She’s pregnant. How the hell did she get here? So ashamed.

Josh doesn’t take responsibility. “I thought you had protection. Why would you do that?” He doesn’t give an answer.

He won’t answer her calls.

He has a gig at the restaurant. It’s an important night and it’s packed. She is busy, and he won’t look at her. He has a new backup singer, a guest, Katie. She leaves half way through a shift. “If you leave now, you’re fired,” the boss says. Em goes anyway, even though she knows she is letting him down, and she can hear the panic, pride and desperation in his voice. It gives her a new insight into her mother.

Josh tries to call. She hangs up and blocks his number.

Crunch

In the street on an errand. Feels eyes on her. Sees a woman staring with a young baby. She knows it’s Josh’s wife. She runs and hides.

Denouement

Goes to the restaurant to apologise for her apalling behaviour. Her boss has fired Josh.

Josh’s wife has been stalking Em and she gives Em a piece of her mind. “I just wanted to see the girl who ruined my marriage.” Then she sees Em touch her tummy, and she kind of changes gear. “Oh, honey. He…?” Em pulls a face and nods. “If it’s any consolation. I blocked his number and I never want to see him again. I think he saw me coming!”

Thread 3: Em and George

Orientation

George is at uni, studying business, and he’s been at the first year business camp, and knows all the hot girls, and is cruising all of them. Em finds him attractive, but rolls her eyes. The same fluttery feelings are there, but she’s grown, so they’re smaller, relatively.

She is terribly embarrassed about not being able to study, and happens to run into him. He listens. He gets it. Then he’s off with another girl and she thinks, “He’s such a child.”

Pivot

George helps when her car is towed. His eyes are sunken in and he looks pretty tired. He says that she can send it to his house. They have a garage there, but they’re all too poor for cars.

Rising Action

She goes to his house when her mum turns up. Doesn’t want to go back. She sees him, and it’s nice. He tells her he is not doing well, and he can’t study properly, and his relationships are not going well. She laughs. They’re equals. Tells him about his computer club, and there’s this big cube thing, and people are digging it, and they get money for it. Sounds weird. She admints she might be seeing someone, but it’s complicated. She tells him she is cooking. He says he can cook too, but she doesn’t make anything of it.

George comes to her restaurant and sees her singing. She can tell that he is impressed, and that he is also a bit jealous of the way that Josh is touching her. It makes her feel special.

It’s her birthday. At home her Viet friend tells her George was going to see her but something comes up and he can’t do it. He apologised, and left her a birthday card with some ‘bitcoin’ in it. She reads the note. Maybe she can buy a coffee. She’s annoyed at him for standing her up and tosses the birthday card.

George leaves her a message. Call me. He doesn’t say why.

George leaves her another message. Call me. It’s urgent. She calls. “What?” He says, “I have a surprise.” It’s the last thing she wants. She’s short with him. She goes to his house, and he says, “I’m so sorry I missed your birthday. I was hoping…” It is her car, all fixed, in his garage. “I’m Turkish, we’re good with our hands.” Something about that makes her heart lurch. Thinks about Josh touching her, but she covers it up in shame.

She confides in George that she isn’t really enjoying Law. Criminal law is gross and grotty and there’s nothing uplifting about it. She’s not passionate about law, she just wanted to be able to say, “I am studying Law.” She wants to be rich. He says, “What about family?” And they have an argument about this.

Climax

George tells her off, and she tells him to grow up, and he blasts her.

Falling Action

When she’s pregant, she goes to see George. “I don’t know what to do.” He cooks her something really, really nice. He tells her that he just kisses girls. He doesn’t really do anything. His dad would kill him. (Again, the theme of family comes through. George really is a good bloke. He will make a good man.)

She goes to him again, when Josh rejects her. “I don’t know what to do.” He says, “Marry me.” “What?” “I think I love you. No, that’s not true. I know I love you. Every day I wake up and I wonder if I’m going to see you. I even did a business proposal… and it’s all about you!” She says, “We hardly know each other.” He says, “That doesn’t matter. People in my family have done arranged marriages for generatoins. I know I’m a good man. My family knows how to love… and it’s you, Manessa.” She says, “I don’t know what to say.” He says, “Life happens. You just go with it.” He kisses her. It’s different from Josh, that was all roaring fire and angles. This is warm, and he wrapped his arms around her and rocked her. “You think about it, okay?” She feels herself nodding. “Okay.”

Drove home slowly.

Sends him a text. “I’ll meet you at the cafe.” Her stomach is in knots. Sends him an x. He sends her one back. Puts the birthday card in her bag. “Buy him a coffee.”

Crunch

Phone rings. “George is passed away.” Is this a joke? “No. He was hit by a car.” Her friend is hysterical.

She rushes there. Everyone gone. Ambulance to hospital. Mum gives her hug.

Denouement

Mum says, “Come on. Say goodbye. Maybe at the hospital.”

At the hospital, the asian friend is there. “George was passed away!” “I know. You told me. Was it instant? Did he die quickly? Was it in pain?” “He is not dead. He was passed away… Like… un-shescon?” Mum narrowed her eyes. “Unconscious?” “Yes. Passed away. Unconscious.” “Passed out. You mean passed out, you stupid…” She kisses the asian friend on the head. “We will talk about this!”

George is unconscious, in the ward. “Family members only.” “Fiancee,” mum said, shoving her foot in the door. “I don’t see a ring on her finger.” “Well, missie, you look through her personals, and I bet my bottom dollar there’s a little ring box there, and I bet my bottom dollar there’s a ring in it,” she held up her hand, indicating she hadn’t finished. “And, I bet my bottom dollar, in his other pocket you’ll find a piece of paper, folded about five times, and if you open it up, it will start with, “My dearest Manessa.” She jutted her sharp chin out at the nurse, and it was a battle of wills. The nurse opened a drawer. Mum craned her neck. The nurse rummaged arojnd a bit, purposely blocking the view with her back. Then she stopped. “Told ya,” mum said. “And now the letter.”

Em stays by his side all night. In the morning, George’s parents turn up. They wrap their arms around her. “George told us all about you!”

George wakes up! Bliss and happiness. He sees the ring and makes a joke. “Didn’t take you long, did it?” and then says “How about we save that coffee for our twentieth anniversary,” She nods and gives a tearful “Yes.”

George’s housemate turns up, knowing Em is there. He has brought George’s business plan assignment for her to see – a food van, with a budget and suppliers and a menu and a route… a turnkey business. Em loves it. George knows her!

(2588 words)