24 March – I’ve changed the working title of this novel from Escaping Well to Breaking Free. I like it more

Here is my outline. I’m using Freytag’s Pyramid rather than Syd Field’s 3 Act Structure. The next step is to print this thing out, stick it on the wall, analyse it, query it, see connections, visualise more clearly the important parts I havent’ written down: 1 Em tells herself she is escaping, but she is just running away, over and over again? Chat GPT notes that the “system” is a baddie – Centrelink, university admissions etc. Is this somethign I’ve accidentally written in?

The next step after this is to get in and write the first draft. This means switching from present to past tense, for example, and ‘slipping into’ creative gear in my head. I think it’s called ‘flow’ state?

Length: 65,000 words, 70 beats (approx. Don’t count them, Gunter!)

• Orientation 6000 words, 7 beats
• Complication 1000 words, 1 beat
• Rising Action 15000 words, 15 beats
• Climax 1000 words, 1 beat
• Falling Action 28000 words 34 beats
• Resolution 1000 words, 1 beat
• Denouement 10,000 words, 11 beats

Orientation – Summer

0,000 – 6,000 words (beat 1-7 (7)) 857 words per beat

On the day Manessa (Em) graduates high-school, she burns her school uniform in a metal bin. She spends some of her money on Dr Martens high top boots and works through the summer. She gets her results in Mid December (2009), but doesn’t say anything to anyone. She gets a university offer in mid January, and celebrates alone. She stores up her cash, spends time on the computer, and takes a few hours off. In mid Feb, there’s a blow up bout the till not balancing, It’s 20 cents out. Em says the coin fell under the counter and it doesn’t matter. Her mum is just angry. Em announces to her parents that she is leaving “in the morning” to go to university. (Parents are having a discussion about the new answering machine they just bought) Where? She doesn’t say, just that it’s not Adelaide and she bought a car off Gumtree/FB buysellswap site. Her dad says, “you should have gotten me to check it,” and mum says, “Your Dad is right, Manessa. You should have got him to check it. You could have bought mine” But Manessa snaps back, “I don’t want your car. I want my car.” She’s a big girl…

She escapes, driving away, across the big, open plains. Sleeps half way in her car, Arrives in Sydney.

Gets a hotel room. Hears her mum’s scolding voice, but she’s here, all alone, and it’s exciting. University in the morning.

O-Week. So exciting! Gets into her course. (Law!) Finds a Vietnamese friend, Helen, who is pretty cool but has poor English. Gets a room in a house with her and two more housemates. She is a law student!

In the sea of people, she sees one person she recognises. George (“Lebo”, from primary school). George has also come to uni, studying business, and he’s been at the first year business camp, and knows all the hot girls, and is cruising all of them. Em finds him attractive, but rolls her eyes. The same fluttery feelings are there, but she’s grown, so they’re smaller, relatively.

Anticipation: Her identity as an almost-law-student beds down, and she bonds with her new friends. It’s really nice. There is a weird housemate that none of them like though. It’s more expensive in the house than Em thought, but it’s OK. She has saved up, and has a plan.

Complication – First hints of Autumn

6,000 – 7,000 words (beat 8 (1))

Em goes to the Centrelink office to set up government payments, but she can’t because her parents were dodgy with the books. She needed to prove income for the last eighteen months. Her whole plan comes crashing down.

Rising Action

7,000 – 22,000 words (beat 9-23 (15)) 1000 words per beat.

She to the new terrace house on nice street – Her car makes a horrible noise and dies on the road. Cunk Cunk. It won’t move.

Looks at her numbers – She can’t afford to live. Academic office – night class? She decides to drop some classes, keep one, and work. At this rate, it will take her ten years, but somethign’s got to change.

She is terribly embarrassed about not being able to study, and happens to run into George again. He listens. He gets it. Then George is off with another girl and she thinks, “He’s such a child.” She is angry at her parents, so she calls them and leaves a nasty message (on their answering machine – which has Caller ID)

Comes home and feels out of it. Makes a nice dinner for the girls. Tells them what she’s going to do. They are disappointed that she’s not studying full time, but she wishes they care more. Their attitude is that you kind of bumble your way through your twenties, and Em’s not even twenty. They love her meal, and suggest she works at a restaurant, but she says she is done with hospitality, and won’t do it. She Blames her mum.

Tries Centrelink again. No luck. Employment agencey – looks for a job in a law office, but has to take public transport, because her car won’t move. Can’t find anywhere that will take her.

Gets an emergency job at a restaurant. It pays enough, but the hours are long. The guy there is desperate for good staff. After service, she finds him having a quiet cigarette outside, and he explains a little of his story – had a food van, but expanded. Had staff that pulled out at the last minute. “You’re a lifesaver.” He pays her cash. She explains she is a law student.

Time is passing. It’s shaping up to be a wet, dark winter, but the house and the friends are great. Marcel is grumpy and gruff, and his business is not doing well. Her law class is not going well. She is often late. It’s a grind, trying to fit everything in, and the topics are difficult.

Problems – The car sitting out on the road is a constant reminder of financial hardship and stress. She gets a fine for leaving a broken down vehicle on the street. The wird housemate is not paying her rent, adn the other girls want to boot her out.

One night, weeks later, when daylight saving ends, at the restaurant, there’s a guy dressed in black who is tuning his guitar and setting his equipment. He’s actually pretty good, and Em can’t help but nod her head and sing along. It’s kind of soul music, with a driving beat, and somehow he can do all of it on his guitar. It makes work pleasant.

After work, she initiates conversation and he explans his setup and his story. Josh used to be in a boyband, but he’s a part time literature lecturer. He’s reigniting his music career after driving it into the ground with alcohol, and says that she needs to keep him accountable – no alcohol, OK? it’s weird, and she says, “OK”

When she gets home, the car is missing. It’s been towed.

Em doesn’t know who else the call. None of the girls are any good. She has George’s number. He helps. (His eyes are sunken in and he looks pretty tired.) She says “there’s no way I’m calling my parents!” He says that she can send it to his house, and he can scrape together some cash. They have a garage there, but they’re all too poor for cars.

Her single Law subject is not going well, and her life is starting to gravitate to the restaurant. To Josh. As the restaurant fills, he keeps asking her to sing, and she just won’t. She says, “I can’t sing.” and all night, “I’m too shy. I’m too shy.”

The car – George gets a quote to fix it. It’s really high. Em is in distress. She leaves a message on George’s phone, a cry for help. George has gone home for the midyear holidays.

At work, Josh has written a song, and the room is full, and Em is feeling alive. He calls her up on stage and makes her sing, the chorus is “I’m too shy”. It’s crazy. She can do it, and everyone cheers!

Climax – Mid-winter.

22,000 – 23,000 words (beat 24 (1))

Em’s mum arrives at her door. (We haven’t heard about her for a while) and says that she has left her dad, and things were horrible. They were investigated and the business was closed, and it was just horrible. She traced down the phone number from the new answering machine. Can she stay with Manessa? Manessa agrees – just for the night. (It’s rainy and cold)

Falling Action

24,000 – 52,000 (beat 25 – 58 (34)) 820 words per beat

Mum tries to clean up the kitchen and ‘earn’ her way into staying. Manessa’s friends think she’s great. Manessa hates how she is faking it. Has to go to work. Sees Josh, and that is nice, but buries herself in her cooking. She is on fire!

Gets home late, then wakes in the morning to find Mum has moved in – the friends agreed, adn they booted the other girl out. They want Mum to have the attic room. Mum tries to apologise, and says “I’ll leave if you want,” but Em is sickly sweet. She makes an excuse and leaves the house.

Goes to Uni, but feels like an outsider. The place is shut down for the vacation. Walks past the restaurant. Thinks about Marcel and is warmed by his praise. Thinks about Josh too. Runs into George and has a coffee. He is back from the holidays. He tells her he is not doing well, and he can’t study properly, and his relationships are not going well. She laughs. They’re equals. Tells him about his computer club, and there’s this big cube thing, and people are digging it, and they get money for it. (It’s bitcoin.) Sounds weird, and she makes a joke about buying coffee or something with it. She also admints to George that she might be seeing someone, but it’s complicated. He says the car is safe at her place, and it will be for a while. She doesn’t know how to pay for its repair.

Mum, in contrast, seems to be bright eyed and cheery. She gets a job, in a law office as a receptionist. Em is so jealous.

Josh asks her to sing some more, but he tricks her a bit and makes her sing Def Leppard’s Love Bites. – he sings the harmony. She just goes for it! (Singing it against her mum?). She feels alive! Josh is very attractive, and she likes he he makes her feel. Marcel is kind enough to let her out of waitressing for the singing. He stands up the back int eh shadows with his arms crossed. – but she has to go back to the kitchen – doesn’t even think about the fact that she has somehow moved from waitressing to food prep. (He says, “Any time you want to buy that food van, come see me!”)

Mum tries to apologise and drops that she is seeing a psychologist. Em is too angry to hear it.

Weeks pass. Bit of a montage here. Em is going gigs with Josh, she’s developing her skills, she’s finding her voice. It’s fun. They eat fast food, she puts her feet up on the dash above the mess.

George comes to her restaurant and sees her singing. (It’s about the second week of term) She can tell that he is impressed, and that he is also a bit jealous of the way that Josh is touching her. It makes her feel special. He tries to talk about the car, but she kind of shuts him down.

Josh drops her home after a gig. It all gets very intense and close. They kiss. She’s in the moment. Feels all heady and dizzy. No thinking ahead, just here. Maybe she’ll become a rock-star.

Mum tries to give advice about Josh, but Em is too angry to hear it. “You have no right! I moved to get away from you! The shock on Mum’s face was palpable. She caved, like a planet, from the inside. Em didn’t finish. “I can’t believe it, Manessa!” “Look at the mess you’ve made, Manessa!” … that’s why I changed, because every time I hear Manessa, I hear it in your voice. “I’m Em, and I hear that in my voice!” Go ** off and die, for all I care! I don’t want your food. It tastes like s**t. It always has!”

The rain ends, and the sun comes out. Josh calls her away to do a special wedding – up at the Hunter Valley. It’s good money. It’s ont he same weekend as her birthday. This leads to that. Josh breaks his alcohol rule and pushes her to drink too. There’s one hotel room and one bed, for the weekend. She feels very, very “adult”, and tries to ignore the sick feeling in her stomach.

Back after the weekend, she doesn’t want to talk about it. Her mum has got the hint and has moved out. Helen says that George dropped by to give her a card. She reads the note. It’s got some of that mining stuff in it, and it’s a bit of a joke, but he’s bought her some and organised with a nerdy friend who works in a cafe to use it to buy her a coffee for her birthday. It sounds complicated and She’s anoyed, so she tosses the birthday card.

Marcel is a little cold and distant. He needs wait staff and cooking staff, and Em keeps taking time off to sing. He tells her she is a talented chef. But Josh has asked her to do another gig so she will be away. He asks her about her uni course and she realises, with a bleak feeling of horror, that she has missed the last two classes. George leaves her a message. “Call me.” He doesn’t say why.

The wheels are coming off with Josh. He owes her money for a few gigs. Em is scritchy. Josh is not as understanding. (She doesn’t like asking him about his wife and his kids. Just blocks that out.) It’s all quite complicated and ‘adult’.

George leaves her another message. “Call me.” She calls. “What?” He says, “I have a surprise.” It’s the last thing she wants. She’s short with him. She goes to his house, and he says, “I’m so sorry I missed your birthday. I was hoping…” He shows her the car, all fixed, in his garage, with the new gearbox. “We’re Turkish, we’re good with our hands.” Something about that makes her heart lurch. Thinks about Josh touching her, but she covers it up in shame.

George cooks her a birthday dinner. It’s surprosingly good, and it’s a surprising oasis in her messy life. She confides in George that she isn’t really enjoying Law. Criminal law is gross and grotty and there’s nothing uplifting about it. She’s not passionate about law, she just wanted to be able to say, “I am studying Law.” He asks her deep questions about the meaning of life and how to find hapiness. She finds the conversation very uncomfortable on some levels. She drives her car away, has her freedom back.

Has a meeting with her lecturer about missing classes and the assignment. He is worried. Em tells him, “I am fine!” She feels sick.

Pressure is on. She doesn’t want to see Now, with a car, she wants to look for a law job, and walks up and down a street, into her mum’s office. It’s awkward. Em treats her with civility, and that’s about it. She feels ill, but puts it down to nerves.

Josh makes up, he gives her a bit of money and promises the balance soon. They play a good gig. They kiss afterwards. George sees.

George yells at her. “Grow up, George! It’s what adults do!” He says, “What’s his wife’s name? Has he said he will leave her? What are his kids names?” “I can’t believe you, George!” she says, echoing her mum’s own words.

Two pink lines. She gets a pregnancy kit from one of the girls. How the hell did she get here? She is so ashamed. She’s ruined her life.

Josh doesn’t take responsibility. “I thought you had protection. Why would you do that?” He doesn’t give an answer. they argue about her age. “You told Marcel you were twenty-three.” “You knew I wasn’t.” “I waited until you were eighteen, didn’t I?”

It’s just the hormones, she tells herself. But he won’t answer her calls. Will she get an abortion? Surely George, as a man of the world and a womaniser, he knows all about this.

So she makes an excuse to see George, Makes an excuse to see He tells her that he isn’t as worldly as she thinks. He likes girls, but he just kisses them. He doesn’t really do anything. His dad would kill him. (Again, the theme of family comes through. George really is a good bloke. He will make a good man.) But she’s made her own bed, and she’s going to have to lie in it. She is dreading going back to work, seeing Josh.

What’s she going to do? Keep it? her mum triest to talk, because she found out somehow from Helen. She’s angry at Helen and the girls. They ae angry at her because she owes rent. Josh tries to call. She hangs up and blocks his number.

In the street on an errand. Feels eyes on her. Sees a woman staring with a young baby. She knows it’s Josh’s wife. She runs and hides.

She hides for a few hours with her law assignment, but it’s not good, and she’s sick.

He has a shift at the restaurant. Has to face up. It’s an important night and it’s packed. She is busy working and Josh won’t look at her. He has a new backup singer, a guest, Katie. Em feels sick and leaves half way through a shift. “If you leave now, you’re fired,” Marcel says. Em goes anyway, even though she knows she is letting him down, and she can hear the panic, pride and desperation in his voice.

Em evaluates: She’s pregant and her ex boyfriend won’t pay money he owes her. She can’t afford her rent and is too ashamed to return to her friends. She is too ashamed to face Marcel. She runs. She lives out of her car for over a week, scuttles out of the inner city to an unknown suburb and finds work in a corner shop, making milkshakes. She’s morning sick, but keeps going. She works long hours. She washes in the sink at work when nobody’s looking. It’s everything she didn’t want for her life, and it parallels her mother’s journey.

When she has earned the rent, she comes back to the share house, but discovers she has lost her room to a new housemate. The whole dynamic has shifted. The warmth is gone.

Em ends up in the “crack room”, a tiny, horrible room up in the attic, where the bed is pushed under the sloping ceiling and people have written graffiti all over it. It records late night ravings, hopes and dreams. She sees her own name, written in a heart. It’s her mum’s handwriting. Her mum was up here for months, lying awake in the bed, thinking about her!

She goes to George again “I don’t know what to do,” she says, and lays it all out. “Marry me.” “What?” “I think I love you. No, that’s not true. I know I love you. Every day I wake up and I wonder if I’m going to see you. I even did a business proposal… and it’s all about you!” She says, “We hardly know each other.” He says, “That doesn’t matter. People in my family have done arranged marriages for generations. I know I’m a good man. My family knows how to love… and it’s you, Manessa.” She says, “I don’t know what to say.” He says, “Life happens. You just go with it.” He kisses her. It’s different from Josh, that was all roaring fire and angles. This is warm, safe, and he wraps his arms around her and rocks her. “You think about it, okay?” She feels herself nodding. “Okay.”

Em drives home slowly. She makes up with Helen and the girls and pays them the rent she owed. She gets her room back in the house, but it’s the attic room, with the graffiti above the bed. She sees declarations of love, written by previous room renters. She sees “Manessa” in a heart. It’s her mum’s handwriting. She does a lot of thinking about the present, about the future, about what she wants.

Sends George a text. “I’ll meet you at the cafe.” Her stomach is in knots. Sends him an x. He sends her one back. Puts the birthday card he gave in her bag. Her plan is to use the special code in there, like he said, to buy them both a coffee.

At the cafe, she figures out how to exchange the bitcoin for two coffees. It all happens very quick, before George has turned up. The barista says, “Do you want your change? It’s 100 bitcoin.” She shrugs, but then says, “Okay, why not?” and he takes the birthday card and starts to write… It’s a private key. She doesn’t understand, but just then…

Resolution

52,000 – 53,000 (beat 59 (1))

Phone rings. “George is passed away.” Is this a joke? “No. He was hit by a car.” Helen is hysterical. She has nobody to talk to. She calls her mum.

Denouement

53,000 – 64,000 (beat 60-72 (12)) 916 words per beat

Her mum takes her to the hospital. Ambulance to hospital. Mum gives her hug. “
“Come on. You have to face it. You can’t run. Say goodbye. At the hospital.”

At the hospital, Helen is there. “George was passed away!” “I know. You told me. Was it instant? Did he die quickly? Was it in pain?” “He is not dead. He was passed away… Like… un-shescon?” Mum narrowed her eyes. “Unconscious?” “Yes. Passed away. Unconscious.” “Passed out. You mean passed out, you stupid…” She kisses Helen friend on the head. “We will talk about this!”

George is unconscious, in the ward. “Family members only.” “Fiancee,” mum said, shoving her foot in the door. “I don’t see a ring on her finger.” “Well, missie, you look through her personals, and I bet my bottom dollar there’s a little ring box there, and I bet my bottom dollar there’s a ring in it,” she held up her hand, indicating she hadn’t finished. “And, I bet my bottom dollar, in his other pocket you’ll find a piece of paper, folded about five times, and if you open it up, it will start with, “My dearest Manessa.” She jutted her sharp chin out at the nurse, and it was a battle of wills. The nurse opened a drawer. Mum craned her neck. The nurse rummaged arojnd a bit, purposely blocking the view with her back. Then she stopped. “Told ya,” mum said. “And now the letter.”

Em stays by his side all night. In the morning, George’s parents turn up. They wrap their arms around her. “George told us all about you!”

George is still unconscious. Em goes home to freshen up. Mum makes her a sandwich at the counter. It’s comfort food.

Em goes to apologise to Marcel. Marcel tells her he thumped Josh and broke his guitar. He shakes her hand. The job is there if she needs it, but he has a feeling she won’t.

Josh’s wife has been stalking Em and she gives Em a piece of her mind. “I just wanted to see the girl who ruined my marriage.” Then she sees Em touch her tummy, and she kind of changes gear. “Oh, honey. He…?” Em pulls a face and nods. “If it’s any consolation. I blocked his number and I never want to see him again. I think he saw me coming!”

George wakes up! Bliss and happiness. He sees the ring and makes a joke. “Didn’t take you long, did it?” and then says “How about we save that coffee for our twentieth anniversary,” She nods and gives a tearful “Yes.”

George’s housemate turns up, knowing Em is there. He has brought George’s business plan assignment for her to see – a food van, with a budget and suppliers and a menu and a route… a turnkey business. Em loves it. George knows her!

Em is in her own business – her own food trailer, doing gourmet comfort food. Her mum is beside her, cutting up the veggies.

She and George connect after he comes out of hospital. Em is properly inducted into George’s family.

She’ll fight on. Remembered the birthday card. She’ll put it into her stack. She’ll look at in another twenty years or so. A keepsake, when her baby is the same age as her. A reminder that things change. Inside the card, hidden away, is a string of numbers. A private key. It won’t be looked at for another ten years.