So I scoured through Hosea, wondering if there was any more advice a husband could have apart from “speak to her heart.” I found a little gem, wrapped up under a layer of symbolism in Chapter 6:

Let us know, let us press on to know the Lord.
His appearance is as sure as the dawn.
He will come to us like the rain;
    like the spring rains He will water the earth.

This is Hosea, speaking on behalf of his nation, calling them back to a relationship with God. But these words have a parallel, a genesis, in their relationship. These are Gomer’s words. She is beginning to think differently about Hosea. Let’s unpack, line by line.

Let us know, let us press on to know the Lord

Gomer realises that she actually doesn’t know Hosea. She thought she knew him, thought he was like all her other boyfriends, but there is something strange and alien and just plain unusual about him. He doesn’t behave like he’s meant to. He should have cut and run by now, or at the very least set her straight and given her a piece of his mind, but he just hasn’t. What the hell? “I’ve been married to him for years,” she muses, “And it turns out I was married to a…”

A what?

She doesn’t know, but there’s something deeply alluring about Hosea. She can’t help look forward to when he turns up in her bedroom with the breakfast tray every morning. It’s like he’s invading her space–but she likes it! Is she finding him–attractive?

His appearance is as sure as the dawn

This guy just keeps turning up. Every day, like sunrise. He is secure.

Security has to do with knowing the future. There are plenty of women in secure, abusive relationships. They know what will happen tomorrow and the day after that. They will be treated terribly. And you’d be forgiven for being astonished that they stay, not for the abuse, but for the predictability and the security. “I know he treats me terribly, but at least I know what’s coming,” is the thinking behind it.

Hosea is secure, reliable, predictable. Present.

Trustworthy.

Every evening, he says “Good night, pleasant dreams.” Every evening he retires to his room. He’s gone, and she is alone. Instead of his exit being a trigger for feelings of abandonment, his exit becomes a promise of return. And when she wakes in the middle of the night, fighting her demons, with thoughts chasing each other through her head like lightning bolts, that he will come back.

He will come to us like the rain; like the spring rains he will water the earth.

There is something beautifully soothing about the rain, falling gently on the earth. Maybe it’s something electrical, or it has to do with “animal magnetism” or something. I don’t know. But when the rain falls, it is special. It’s like the world stops, pauses to draw breath and lets out a long, shuddering sigh.

That’s what it feels like when Hosea turns up, she muses. He is like the spring rain, pattering down on the dry, winter soil, making the trees shiver in anticipation. There’s something special about his presence. He’s not mean or bitter or angry. He is constant and gentle. He’s soothing. He cools her heat. When he’s around, she drinks him in.

Her heart is so dry…

The Advice

So, dear reader, here’s the advice:
1. Speak to her heart.
2. Be as reliable as sunrise. Keep turning up. Be dependable and predictable and trustworthy.
3. Be as soothing as the rain. Let your tone of voice be calm, and let your body language be powerful, yet relaxed. If she has an angry outburst, just gently rain on it. Keep your cool. See the woman behind the words.

What is he?

Hosea wouldn’t know this is what she’s thinking of course. How could he? She’s not giving any of that away, not just yet. He’s barely holding it together. There is anger and frustration deep inside of him, but he pushes that all aside and trains his eyes on his mission like a hunter staring down his sniper scope.

“Speak to her heart.” This means not speaking bitterness or anger. It means not keeping score.

Oh, he’s got it wrong, over and over again. There was that time he snapped at her and just had to have the last word. There was that other time he left her crying in a crumpled pile of misery for far too long before he came down to her level on the floor and wrapped his arms around her. Hosea is learning the hard way about humility. He is learning the hard way about how to be… what?

A man. A genuine, masculine, male man.

And I call out to him, across the hundreds of years and the oceans that separate us and will him to Hold on! Don’t give up! Every day, as reliable as the sunshine and as soothing as the rain.

Next…(Part 6)